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Parents of children in long-term foster care need more support, says new report

21 September 2009

Parents of children in care play an important role in their lives but do not always get the information and support they need from social workers, foster carers and other professionals.

Researchers from the University of East Anglia have found that parents who are helped to overcome negative or angry feelings and receive regular information about their children’s progress are more likely to co-operate with social workers, and be supportive of the child and the placement.

Entitled Parenting while apart: the experience of parents of children growing up in foster care, the study shows the importance of working with parents at all stages in the fostering process, from before court through to the children leaving care. This will benefit both the parents and the children.

Parents who took part in the research found child protection procedures, particularly court proceedings, a very difficult and often distressing experience, even when they accepted that the child needed to be in care. Most felt abandoned after court proceedings had finished, as they felt social workers' attention shifted towards the child and the foster placement. Social workers in the study also said they felt parents needed more support than they were able to provide at this stressful time.

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Comments

Maxine says:
Thanks for highlighting this often neglected issue. My niece is currently in foster care and my experience ( both as Reg 38 carer, family member and observer of how my sister, her birth mother is badly treated by the social worker) chimes with these findings.
Lisa says:
My son has been in tempery foster care now for over a year and it was only supposed to be for 2 weeks restbite . We just resently found out that my son has adhd and also odd , and social servies are now saying we are not capable of looking after our son and want him to stay in longterm foster care . I am fighting though . As he was well looked after but , I did spoil him as he is my life of this world . Social servies though are for the foster carer and I have been badly treated by them . They have treated me and do treat me as if I am no longer my sons mother . What can I do ? . Please help as this is wrong , as my son does want to come home but he seems scared to say so . He is not the same little boy that he was .
Jemma, The Who Cares? Trust says:
Hi Lisa, my name's Jemma and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I'm sorry to hear about your situation, I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm.
marie yakob says:
this is for lisa i was in the same position as you.my 2 eldest children are in long term foster care and i had 2 adopted all because we had a flawed resedental assesement and the judge at the time said that we hadnt reached base one as he called it.wa happend to people having a fair trail as it says under the convention of human rights act article 6 everyone is intitled to a fair trail.we never had that its discusting the way ss treat people.we have got 2 children at home after completing a 2nd resedentail assesement some were else.my 2 who are in foster care no one will support us to get them back even tho we have done so well we both payed for 3 years of councilling ourselves and turned our lives around.am due to have a new baby in 3 weeks time and am still detirmend to fight and get my 2 children back from foster care.i wish you all the best hun and keep fighting.xxx
Zoe says:
My 6yo daughter is in care and is in the process of being adopted. I have got a solicitor and attend court every 4 weeks for a review. The judge has suggested that i be re assesssed to see if she can come home because there has been alot of changes to my lifestyle since she was put into care 2 year ago. But my daughters legal rep doesnt agree with it and thinks that my daughter should still be adopted out. at the moment i see her once a month for 2 hours but if she is adopted ythen contact will be once a year by letter. I am proud of how much I have changed to get her back, just hope that the judge will see it too!
kerry says:
My three year old son is in foster care through wiltshire council. He has been there for eight months and time is taking its toll, I have found the whole eight months extremely draining, and worrying, especially when i have been kept in the dark for so long, the communication is dreadful from all socialworkers and solicitors. My son was placed in to foster care when i was going through a tough time trying to cope as a single parent. I have recently been prescribed anti depressants due to the stress of this whole case. These people are basing their statements on the past and i find this extremely unfair as you cannot do anything about the past but everything to change the future.
Anonymous says:
i have been through hell my two sons are in long term foster care for over a year now i dont know what to do just because they say im not putting my children first i love my sons so much and they have taken away my heart beat i want them back home im all alone now in a three bedroom house empty bedrooms i have a empty heart all i want is social services to see what a lovely home ive got see me as a person my problem was depression it was about me i still cared and loved my sons but they say im not ingageing with them i want to go back to court but solictors tell me i have tell the court what as changed since they are in care i am on anti depressants and taking a counselling cousrse studying postive parenting kept up with all contacts and reviews what else can i do to start proceedings to get my sons back? please help me my world is empty without them so is my home.
Jemma, The Who Cares? Trust says:
Hi Elaine, my name's Jemma and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). They are a charity that advises parents and other family members whose children are involved with children’s social care services. Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm.
kal says:
i am so glad iam not alone in this for the last year i have felt alone but all these people in the same place as me my son was taken due to domestic abuse and a drink problem, so much has changed 4 me in this year iam 1 week away from a year sober have a new home and am stronger in my self but yet again thy are looking at past history which is not relavant to now.
lucy says:
my 3 children have been put in foster care due to our past we have been doin so much to try and get them back we are due back in court in september we have had so many good reports about us but 1 report said he dont think we should have our kids back and social sevices are using this againts us we only meet with him 1 time and he has made some mad report witch dont match what anyone els has said about us now they are tring to take my unbourne child i feel helpless this is killing me i miss my kids so much and im a good mum we cant change the past but we have done so much to change the future and no one will listern
sadie says:
i had to agree for my 1yr old daughter to be put into foster care or social services said that thay would take court action due to my ex husband beating me and smashing my house.. she's been in there for 2wks now and i miss her so much! thay are meant to be there to help you and support you...but i dont see that happening! how long can thay keep a child in care? i think it messes their little heads up even more when their not with people thay know!
vicky says:
My 2 nephews were taken into care in march 2010 and court proceedings are taking 4ever. The social worker must hav a personal vendeter against their mother as she is awful to her and made her and the whole family feel useless. I have been on the internet almost every day since march as I need some one to help us do something about this, She is making out that my sister is an unfit mother. she is a very determined woman, but she is contradicting herself in all her reports about my sister and I dont know who's attention I need to bring this to because I feel if she finds out she'll make getting the kids back impossible.
Mandy says:
hi a couple of yrs ago my 4 children where takin of me due to domestic voilence on myself to cut the stroy short my younger 2 where adopted which i didnt agree the court over done it and it went a head one of my 9 yr old boy and me had a great realionship me and all my children did,after couple of weeks after adopting went a head my son was put in care as they couldnt cope with him since my contact stoped i told them.. i lost all my rights and carnt do anythink he is stuck there :-(((( my ofter boy went to live with family my 13 yr old girl is in forster care i am trying so hard to get her home which is what she wants, in the last 2yrs i changed my life around met a great partner and have a 2 yr old daughter who lives with me went through assments with ss there happy that i had chnged mylife now the ofter ss who are dealing with my daughter will not let me have her back im going through court at mo and getting no where just going round in circules,, y carnt she cum home if ss from another area are happy for me to bring my 2 yr old up why carnt i my 13 yr old girl????? please give me sum help my daughter really wants to come home and we want her home sum one out there help yh i made mistakes in past but that past i CHANGED ALL THAT xx i love my children x i owe it to my daughter as she really wana come home im doing all i can and getting no where please sum one help me im going through court at mo but not getting anywhere they say i need theophy work for 2 yrs first my daughter wants to cum bk now i have 2yr old leaving with me i could do the work with my 13 yr old here as well???? there is no danger here i could do the work when my daughters at school, i said i wanted her home with a surrport order what else can i do please help me.
teresa says:
my daugther just gone in to foster carer for 3 months and them home full time. i was told i still have parents right. but its dont fill like thats what ever its means. i use to get carer allowance now thats stop even tho i never was given the right help at all. and i never wanted my daugther to go in to foster carer, i only ask for rest bite. its dont help as she all so under mental heath .but what my daugther ask for foster carer. no matter how i fet a bout it. for 5 years now we never had the right help for my family needs. now i got in touch with Justice for Families GrouprnrnJustice for Families is the Public Family Law Reform Coordinating Campaign. It is chaired by John Hemming MP and has been set up to support families who have suffered at the hands of a system that is urgently in need of reform. www.justice-for-families.org.uk they are sending some one out to see me.
fliss says:
hi ,rni lost my son 3 days after his 2nd birthday .i was told no sorry bullied into giving him up for 3 weeks respite and threatened with my elder 2 girls if i did not comply . i had 20 minutes to say goodbye after an 8 hour day in court .Finally at the age of 3 they agreed he could come home , however there were teething problems and we were not reunited , i was at this time heavily pregnant with my 4th child , a month before she was born the sw decided that my eldest 2 aged 7 and 8 needed to be taken into care so they could asess me in a mother and baby foster placement , i came home and shortly after got my son back , however in late january this year it was decided that my 2 girls woulde never be returned to my care due to them needing what the sw describe as compensatory parenting and as i have a personality disorder ,regardless of the fact i have my 2 lovely children now 4 and 1 at home asleep in there beds i still want more and want to fight to get them home please guys any ideas guys ????xxx
sue says:
my 2 grandsons were taken into care in july this year the ss said there was a possibilty of emotional abuse, my son has contact twice a week for an hr and half (3hrs in total) this was in our home town now the foster carer doesnt want then coming here but neraer to her it means my son has to leave at 7.30 in the morning to get to the contact centre for 10.00, he had a drug problem but through going to dip and councelling is nearly clean his treatment should all be completed by december, another son was taken from hospital when he was 4 days old and my son still has contact with him but ss want him adopted they also want the other 2 boys in long term foster care, my son has really tried hard to get past his drug problem but like everyone else who has written on here they are basing all their facts on his past is no one ever given a chance to rpove they are now better and in a better place to be able to take care of their children themselves with support from ss.
Emma says:
My 7yr old daughter has just gone to live with her great aunt, as my partner was jailed for assaulting me, so the domestic violence was a big prob for SS + our family has a past with ss anyway as my partner and i had drug problems in the past, my methadone dose per day is 10mls and i shall be off this medication completey within the next 6wks....but......today my beautiful twin boys have been placed into long term foster placement, thats AFTER we had a meeting with over 9 of my family memebers who were their purely to offer housing for my boys + to offer support to whoever ended up with the placement of the boys, anyway they've decided foster care is the way their going - when i told the social worker that i didnt give my consent she suddenly became all threatening saying "its not about consent, its about you working with us + if you dont the plan that we have set in place for your kids to come back to you once you've been to rehab (a residential rehab lasting 18wks which is basically FULL ON counselling to put all my past issues to rest!) will no longer lie + they will adopt the boys instead...now my legal rep doesnt seem to know what she is on about + i am urgently in need of some1 to talk to.......my daughters great aunts legal rep is fab + apparently SS have broken a few laws + not took numerous things into consideration.......now, tonight is my 1st night without my beautiful boys + after falling asleep on the settee suddenly thought "best check on my boys"...only they're not their, please SS have been devious aggreeing to one thing 1 min + then something else the next, no1 appears to be on my side + they seem to be going on about past mistakes as if i committed them yesterday, granted i am going rehab but only because i suggested this as i dont ever want to fall back into the drugs trap again + yes, getting off them is 1 thing but STAYING off them is an entirely different matter...which is why i asked for support to go into rehab + i had that support in the form of my family who told me it ws best to get social serfvices nvolved but they have done nothing but breach the agreements ++ tell lies....please help me someone and point me in the right direction as to where i can go for some advice...but advice off some1 who's on MY side for once..not that of SS
julia says:
hi my 2 children have just bn taken into foster care,i didnt want them to go but i either had to do it voluntarily or it wud go thru the courts and i didnt want that,they are aged 11 and 7 and they r in foster care because social services think they r at harm from neglect,i am a single parent ever since my eldest was born and yes i av struggled as any single parent would but i love my children so much and i feel so lost without them,i am going to do everything i can to get them bk home with me,i av a new partner who is very supportive but all my family seem to av turned their back on me which isnt fair coz i really need their support right now but they just dont want to know anymore,i need to talk to people who have bn or are goin thru the same thing
miska says:
i am currently going through the care system having lost three children to the social services and i am finding it extremely hard now to cope and have no one to turn to as i do not now trust any one after what i have gone through ..
Michelle says:
I have been through domestic violence by my ex partner and struggled with my emotions turning to drink. I know i haven't had a drink problem more the emotional hurt and dealing with it which i have now. My 3 children are in care, two with my ex husband and one with my mother, she is fostering her. I am thankful that all 3 are with family. Took into care because i have apparently neglected my children one morning through drinking, i haven't. I have stopped drinking been 6 months now and alcohol tested. The children should be home now! i am completely disgusted by the way i have been treated by social services. All reports are made on historical happenings, information is incorrect when there recording is only by writing it down. My parenting asessment was incorrect and i was told she had to cut it down because i said too much! all the relevant issues were not there and they only focused on the negative. My mothers report was incorrect as foster carer. They do not let you change anything, just goes to court re mine. Communication has been appauling and have complained to the service manager, result nothing. I feel that i am not being respected but just they think i am retaliating when i am being adult! A parenting asessment, there is nothing wrong with my skills as a parent, went through supervised contact limited time in a tiny room where you can't instigate the naughty step appropriately, when all bond has been broken down, due to their time with someone else! I now have unsupervised contact with all my children, limited to once a fortnight for 2 and half hours. More unsupervised contact with the children seperate, which is wrong. I find this court process unnesserary and injust now, the problem that was isn't there and the children should be home. Unfair, inaccurate reports go to a judge to decide on my childrens future is wrong. The social worker has been terrible, almost like you are on trial constantly, there has been no support. The emotional harm to the children has been detrimental due to any other problem that has been, tearing them away. I believe the problem sorted, children returned, not up to a judge.
heidi says:
Hi everyone,im pretty much in the same boat as everyone else here!.2 of my children are in care and my 3rd lives with my ex partner.i was told last week that my contact is being cut to once every 2months for no reason at all.the thing is im finding it very hard to find any kind of groups or anywhere at all that I can get information or help from.what SS is doing to us all is so very,very wrong.they are splitting up families instead of helping us.WHY?.i want to stand up and be counted and most of all I want my children home where they belong.any help whatsoever that anyone can give me would be a godsend.i wish you all love,luck and hope..its these 3 things that keep us all going!.x
heidi says:
Hey guys,i know that some of you must check this site to see if anyone has any new ideas.im sorry people I dont but what I do suggest is that we all chat about it on here?.ive no idea anymore what to do and each day gets lonelier and sadder.have any of you guys looked on fassit web site?it may help or give you ideas..im on here everyday and always available for a chat.keep strong everyone. <3
sarah warner says:
Hi every one I have read a lot of the comments on here regarding the social services. I lost my two boys to the social services nearly three years ago now. They are in long term foster care at the moment and as much as I fought over two years I realised I was making things worse for my self as I didnt accept what happened. Since then I have grown much stronger in myself and the fact I believe in myself too. Most parents forget who they really are after looseing there children to social services but what I will say is dont loose the fight in your self dont loose your faith because that all us parents have left after our children are removed from us. Show the social services that all they have done is made us stronger and that we wont back down. They are nothing but bullies who think they can get what they want every time. All I am going to say is believe in yourself and show em what your made of .
anne bradley says:
my 9yr old sons birthday was on friday and he was taken into foster care from school and taken from my sister,i wasnt allowed to give him birthday presents or say i love you,while he was my sisters care his socila worker wasnt letten me know about the school and given me copy reports as i couldnt be there because of college,i have a meeteing with them on monday to discuss my son,hes never been beaten battered or abused,i love my son,i dont know what my contact will be and it seems theyre always looken at me haven schitzophrenia as the cause of everything,i am a loveing careing person and ive never hurt my kids,i dont know whats going to happen and im so upset and the community mental health team are supporting me through this,and if i have no contact ive decided to fight for it,while my sisters care social worker has never visited me at home to see james in my care,theyve ripped out my heart,i wrote him a letter and theyre not given it to my son,i want him to know how much i love him and my heart is with him
Teresa says:
my daugther care plan is coming up, iam not looking forward to it, as my daugther has ask for full time , funny thing is children social care would have to take me to court to keep her there, as i never done any think to hurt my children. all i done wong was to pick the wong man and let him in to my children live's well that was over 5 yrs ago. now its like iam not listen to let long heard. i don't even trust any one in children social care. no matter what they say. i even called for all my daugther file's. under the freedom act and all so under the child act, we had a supports worker fr csc we saw her 3 time them she left, and no one tell me any think, and my daugther even put on so much weight.over 3 month ago my daugther was rape be for that she changes so much kicking off all the time etc i have put in so manny complants all i got told by her social worker and her team leader that they try every think but its has not work. and foster care was the last thing. funny thing is there so much more they could of done. but they get a lot more money when ur child gets DLA. and my child is 15 and they put her with a male carer. now is that right?
Margaret says:
Hi my 2 kids r permenently in foster care they r 12 and 10 i miss them with all my heart ,i couldnt cope along time ago and was struggling so ss decided 2 take them of me there dad was also a horrible man 2 me and a horrible father 2 my kids and i have now gt a gd man beautifull house turned my life around but its still nt gd enough 4 ss why do they destroy peoples lifes and all because i couldnt cope wif my children when they were small i can now tho as they r older why dont they listen 2 parents who wants 2 look after there kids instead of making life difficult 4 us and am also more fitter than i was then they havent gt a clue how parents feel and i only c my kids once a yr which is a disgrace as ss took my rites away from me they make me so angry i want my kids bck but how and so i dont upsett them they r happy where they r but i miss them and they should b with me and my hubby.
vanessa says:
my daughter has been in care for 2years now they took her because my flat was cold as i just moved in they said if i get my flat sorted with in a week i could have her back that was 2 years a go. she is trying to kill her self to get home im so scared that this will happen as no 1 is hearing her i have tryed every think i just dont know what to do i have tryed every think . i just want to help her but i dont no how to
christine says:
my story is mostly like everyone elses i lost 5 children 2 yrs ago we didnt know i had a personality disorder then i was diagnosed last yr and i am heavly pregnant, but because i have this illness and there are unresolved issues over my youngest daughter feeding ( she refused to fees from birth) social services are now planning to take this baby away from me and put him into fostercare they have done this with all the rest of the children and as you know the earlier a child goes into foster placement the easier it is to get him adopted please i ahve a solicitor but im scared i cant lose another child because of my past and my illness
sarah says:
I really need some help and advice i feel as though my life has been torn apart. I have had my 4 beautiful children removed from my care and they have been with their foster carers for nearly 2 years now. All my sw keeps going on about in her statments is the past which i dont think is at all relevant. i love my kids with all my heart and just want them back with me. My kids are 5 4 3 & 2 the eldest 2 keep asking all the time when they can come home but ss want them to be adopted. It sems like my sw is make up alot of lies aswell and i just dont know what to do. I havent got alot of time before a final decicion is going to be made. Please help me.
christy says:
i had my 3 children removed from my care in march my heart feels like its been ript out of me i never would hurt them they are my life i miss them so much i didet relise how evil some pepole can be and tell lies to get what they want please can someone help us god bless all our beautiful childern
Luda says:
My kids were put in for respite so i could get rid of a volitile harrassing partner. this was 14 years ago! As soon as they got them into care, social services started proceedings to keep them there, and used and twisted everything i had told them against me. i told the social services my situation and the police so they could help me get rid of the guy causing the problems. instead they took my kids and used the fact i couldnt get my self out the bad situation to gain full care orders. i now have c-ptsd and borderline personality disorder caused the turmoil of losing my kids. not only did i lose the children, i lost my family and friends. i lost my dignaty and self respect. no therapsit knows how to help me so i get brushed under the rug. it doesnt get easier with time, it just screws you up. to make matters worse, they split my kids up after gaining the care orders and put my son with the abusers mother who stept in to foster the child. then due to so many different social workers taking on the case, the abuser was forgotten about and i was made the bad person as it was i who lost the kids! there is no help, no justice, no hope. now my children 14 years later hate me because im too emotioanlly unstable to be the mum they are seeking so they have cut all interactions with me so they dont have to watch me suffer. the system should be ashamed of what it does to peoples lives. if the injuction i got at the time i needed it, had been worth anything, then none of this would have happened!
jackie says:
come on their must be someone out there that can do something parents and children are emotioanlly suffering get it sorted its ageast humun rights.
stephanie says:
Hi, I came to this page today as I have a sone who will be 6 on Monday who has been in long term foster care for 2 years. I came here to see if anyone had any information on how to take a child from voluntary care. My son was the result of a rape in 2004, and I did for 3 years try to care for him, even thou I saw to his phyiscal needs I could not see to his emotional needs (ie I could not hug him) and I felt it was unfair on him as I have other children. Social services where very helpful etc, but have kept the access for his siblings down to only 3 times a year which is really very unfair on them. I was asked about 6 months ago to see him myself alone, which I was strugling to cope with the idea of and social services offered me a counselling of rewind threaphy and I was amazed at how I felt afterwards. I was went to see my son more worried about how he would think I looked than how I felt about my own feelings. The meeting went well and I left feeling good, as time went on I told social services I wanted to see more of my son, and I wanted to bring him home. I got told that my seeing my son worked and he is now settled in care and I can not have him back. They tell me I am an amazing mother, caring for my other children 2 with special needs but I am not allowed my son back as they feel I will not be able to cope when its just me and him. I can no longer think of what to say or do to concience them how wrong they are, my child should be with us at home. what they did was great but now I am left heart broken and its there doing. I live in Ireland and trying to find information is impossible. They even have said it would be unfair on MY SON as he now has 2 parents, a dog , a gran and plays football... where I am a single mother with children.. however I am actually a single mother yes who is self employed, whos children ride horses and surf and play football.. I am everything the foster parents are and more...
Ale says:
My 9 y.o. daughter is in Foster care nearly 2 years because of my drinking. I did very well over this time-treatment, abstinence, etc. My daughter believed in me, but social worker told her, that I still had been drinking. I can not prove that,but my daughter told me that-it is not recorded in contact notes. That changed my daughter's relationship with me - she decided, that does not want to return home anymore. Now professionals are saying to her, that i did very well. But it looks like she is already brain washed by current foster carer, who applied to be her special guardian and who does not want to have any relationship with me. Psichiatrist wrote his report relying all over on social services and foster carer's words and he suggested, that my daughter has to go to long time foster care. No matter, how i changed. My heart is bleading-my daughter is only one, who loves me and who i love so much. I know, that for her this "i don't want return to you" is like a game now-she is only 9 y.o.child. But now only her words became crucial. Can child make decisions without influence of adults? I just want to die. Those two years i was so strong, but i see, that it is not possible to fight against social services,if you have no money for good solicitor. This psichiatrist, who make report totally on Social services materials suggested my solicitor! I even don't know, if i have the right somehow to object this report, because this psichiatrist even got me wrong in our conversation-almost everythink, what i did not tell at all.
chantrelle says:
Hi my daughter and son niw 4 and 3 were taken voluntarily april 2010 and now we are going through the courts both me and my partner have gine through psychological test as I suffer from anxiety attacks although im redcieveing help cbt and my partner their dad has depression and we dont know what else we can do to prove to the judge we are motivated we have complied with ss all the way along any help would be great x
bev says:
My 2 children aged 6 and 10 have been taken in to what i was told was short term fostercare but now the social services are talking about it being long term .I was a victim of domestic violance and had a breakdown when i left my partner i have recieved help for this and am getting better but according to social services my children are at risk of neglet during the court hearing my childrens school were very damning of me and the social worker was bringing things up from as far back as 2005 we are now in 2011 we all have made mistakes but i am being punished for them now.I do not get on with the male social worker and have requested a new one as has my mum and CPN but nothing has changed i have improved my home got rid of the dog and my ex is not in the picture but nothing seams to be good enough, i feel bullied and intimidated by the social worker i see my babies who are my world twice a week for an hour and a half at a time but this has to be with 2 social workers presant and 1 is constantly making notes which un nearves me as i have no trust in them they told me they were there to help me but have wreaked the lives of the most presious people in my world i am fighting but some times feel that i am failing can anyone help or tell me what else i can do i just want my babies home ! thank you x
patrice says:
hi i have 2 children that i put in to tempo foster care as my house got trashed an robbed so i did the best thing there was other thinks with my ex but now we aint together thats all gone but soial sevices decide to take my kids off me all together on the grounds my ex an me were always fighting an that i had mental health dissorders but then after the case has gone to crown court the juge see it that i cant look after them as these metal helath dissorders need to be looked at i go see the mental helath to be told i have nothink wrong with me wat can i do need help fast im loseing them more an more
SARAH says:
how was i meant to do this when nobody would drug test me my firt hair strand test come back negative but 6 months down the line i wasnt getting any further my partner was in prision and i said i wanted to resume my relationship on a basis that drugs (heroin)was the cause and i knew that he would change and so far he has shown everybody hes a changed person i told ss from the word go if i have to leave my partner tell me now dont spring anything on me what did they do just that i even said move me away and i will start again they did nothing please help me get out this heart rendering situation all of us mothers feel lost ,destroyed, and empty ss took my 4 children into care 2 with grandparents,2 in long term foster care,due to d.v and emotional neglect my children wanted for nothing and in a letter before proccedings ss said that i couldnt prove i didnt take drugs
Emma says:
i have six children all have been taken from me i feel like im empty i cant seem to move on it hurts to much still i cry all the time my oldest four have been gone two years now ive been fighting for them i had my fifth baby taken at birth six hours old my six baby was taken in july last year if anyone needs to talk e mail me im so lonely i love them so much wish someone could help my final hearing in june this year ive been told none of them will be coming home i lost them over fake allegations by family its not right they have never been harmed but social services dont care about what the children want its all about paperwork
sarah says:
i was also a victim of not being liked by two of my social workers which i feel hasnt helped me in the whole of my case but i have since been given a new social worker whom i get on well with (hes a man)i dont mix well and wont be intimidated by a woman so ive deen labelled before being given the chance respect me and i do the same in return (an old saying i strongly remember my mum said you give it be prepared to take it back)and to be told by this new social worker stating if i was in charge of this case 6 monts ago this wouldnt of happened o.m.g this is a piss take. am i meant to be flattered its very sad. in my letter before procceding it said dangerous objects left lying up the floor girls it was a battery that hed fallen out of a toy that had batterys this is so heart breaking they was clutching straws but what a joke. if i was to sit and state all the wrongs they have done to me u will fall to the floor but trying to get even my solicitor to see what i mean is a joke im not no div but civil law is so differant from criminal law this is where they win.
LISA says:
MY 5 CHILDREN ARE IN FOSTER CARE I HAVE 2 GIRLS AND 3 BOYS HAVE HAD A REALLY TOUGH LIFE MY PARENTS ASBUSED ME FOR YEARS THEN MY FIRST RELARTIONSHIP WAS ABUSIVE AND OTHER ONES AFTER THAT HAD MY SONS AND WHEN MY YOUNGEST SON WAS BORN WAS IN A VERY BAD WAY I MET SOME ONE LOT OLDER THEN ME THOUGHT HE WOULD BE GOOD ONLY FOR HIM TURN OUT A DRINKER HE MADE MY LIFE HELL TAKING ALL THE MONEY SPENDING WAGES ON DRINK THOUGHT WHEN WE HAD OUR DAUGHTERS CHANGE THING S DID FOR A WHILE WHEN MY YOUNGEST WAS BORN WAS VERY DEPPRESED ALMOSE SUCIDLE WE MOVED TO ANOTHER TOWN FRESH START BIG MISTAKE HE FOUND FISHING AND THE PUBS OUR LIFES WERE HELL WALKING ON EGG SHELLS AND AFRAID OF THE KEY IN THE DOOR WHEN HE HAD BEEN TO THE PUB I TRIED KEEP KIDS IN BED SAFE THEY HAD WHITNESEED SOME HORRIBLE STUFF I TOLD A FRIEND THE ONLY WAY TO FINISH IT WAS SOME THING BAD TO HAPPEN IT DID HE RAPED ME MY OLDEST SON HERAD THE SCREAMING AND THE NEIGHBOURS CALLED THE POLICE NEXT WEEK WAS HELL GOING TO THE RAPE CLINIC STATMENTS POLICE AROUND FOR THERE TO BE NOT ENOUGH EDIVENCE THOUGHT BEST SORT MY LIFE OUT FOR THE KIDS WAS SO WRONG AS DIDNT DEAL WITH IT THINGS STARTED TO GO WRONG AT HOME THE HOUSE WAS A STATE AND BY THE END OF THAT YEAR MY ELDEST BOYS WAS RUNNING THE SHOW I DID MEET MY CURRENT PARTNER THEN MY ELDEST SON HATED IT AND STRATED TO BEAT ME IN FRONT OF THE YTOUNGER CHILDREN AND WAS HITTING THEM AS WELL COULD NT PROTECT THEM AS WAS SO AFRAID OF MY SON SOCIAL BECOME INVLOVED WHEN MY PARTNER LEFT SO THEY WERE ON THE SCENE KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON I NEEDED HELP WAS AFRAID TO ASK DIDNT WANT LOSE MY KIDS MY ELDEST SON GOT ARRESTED FOR ASSULT THE HOUSE WAS A RIGHT STATE AND SO WAS EVERY ONE ELSE SO SOCIAL DECIDED BEST FOR THE YOUNGER ONES GO INTO TEMPPORY CARE LEAVE ME WITH THE TWO OLDER BOYS SORT THE OUT 6 MONTHS DOWN THE LINE THE BOYS COULD NT DO NOTHING WITH THEM TOLD MY YOUNGER KIDS GOING END UP IN LONG TERM CARE RECATED BAD TO THAT TOOK OVERDOSE BIG MISTAKE HAD TO PUT BOYS INTO CARE COULDNT COPE WITH THEM THEY WERE NT GOING SCHOOL THE HOUSE WAS THE PITS STARTED TO FIGHT GET EVERY ONE HOME MY SOLICETER THOUGHT GOT NO CHANCE AS MY PAST HAS MESSSED EVERY THING UP NOW BEEN TOLD MY GIRLS MAY GET ADDOPED NO WAY AM GOING FIGHT THAT I FEEL HAVE NOTHING IN MY LIFE NOW AND MIGHT AS WELL BE OVER I LOVE MY KIDS MORE THAn LIFE ITSELF
connie says:
hi everyone my life has been hard my son has been in care 4 2 years and they said he was gonna come home then the ss changed there mind and said he cant come home i just dont understand it
Gemma says:
Im 18 and I just had a baby boy (he'll be 7weeks on wednesday) and he is my world :)rnbut he was taken into care at 2days old because of my self-harming. I feel as though the social work dont want me to get him back because theyre not offering me any support when they know that I dont have family around me and my babys father left the country when he was 2weeks old.rnnone of my friends are sympathetic towards me. Im not saying I dont care about my baby and how he feels being away from his mum, and the most important thing is to get him home with me. Im just saying that no-one has thought that maybe Im going through a really bad thing. I need to have a cry and a moan and let it all out.rnthen I will get my boy back if its the last thing I do.
julie miles says:
most of the services in cases who take children from there parents dont have children of there own so how is it a none parent knowes better than an actual parent parentening comes to you naturaly when you give birth and not out of a text book
Julie says:
MY LOST CHILDREN were taken from for what reason it shouldnt be i cry a tear everyday hopeing they will come back and stay i whisper to myself is there someone there who can help i close my eyes and fall asleep i know one day we will meet my heart is broken and ime in despair please give me back my children for it to repair
Peter says:
Hi, Me and my ex split up and she has lost all our kids to the social services, thy or in long term foster care, i can only visit the 6 times per year. I run a website and webforum if to give people advice about traceing there birth parents,about helping people fight the ss,etc,etc,etc http://www.dadpeter.co.uk
jodi says:
my 16 month old son is in foster care, and i miss him so much, at the moment im fighting to do everything i can to get him back, ive suffed bad with depression when he was born and when he went into care, the social services have canceled my contact say "they think i cant cope", i miss my son so much, and my worst fear now is he will be taken away from me for good, i recently found out im 12 weeks pregnant, and have been threatened that this child will be taken from me aswell, im so scared that by now my son has forgotten me, ive missed his first words, his first steps and more, hes been in care for over a year now even though it was suppose to be for 2 months, i need help, and really need someone to talk to, i just want my son back.
fiona says:
my 4 children was taken into care last nov my eldist son at 15 still lives with me but my life fells so empty the cp lied about me and no they social services do not want my children to return to my care i love my children with all my heart and can not bare to be with out them for the rest of my life even know my girls are scared of there carer no one is listerning to them what can i do.
cat says:
i have just lost 3 granchildren who have gone into care my daughter has a abusive partner her sw set up a care order my daughter constanly asked for a move to a new house so she could feel safe they said they would 9 months on she is still in the same house her ex constantly broke in took money threats were made the kids would go into care if she phoned the police or told the sw as a result she took a over dose nearly finished her off she has had no support at all from the ss she kept telling them all her negatives constanly asked for their support all they could say keep him away from the property or phone police hard to do when phone line has been cut first i mentioed a safe house to the sw she said my daughter would not like living in squaller sw not helping her to shake of this man kept saying she did not feel safe sw very unhelpfull my daughter did not like her and she made a complaint against her all she seem to have in mind was taking the kids it was like this is the order get on with it see u next week sw did a assessment on us to see if we could take the children what we said and what she wrote where totally different my daughter got better and had to face a second trauma no children when she was in hospital i looked after kids then they decided to take them into care i had to go to my daughters house pack all their clothes eldest who is eight said i got my costume she thought she was staying long term after been back at mine 4 30 minutes sw where in and they where gone very heart breaking i have now i have a fight on my hands sw said i am not a option for having the kids because on one day i failed to ring the police when he turned up at my daughters house said i was not safeguarding the children however my daughter had imformed that the child protection plan was finished and a care plan was put in place as i was not part of the procedings idid not know what was in place at the time as my daughter and i had a disagrement at that time we have both been given contact at a center watched by 2 sw i have done nothing wrong to have to be watched its unnerving frightened of saying the wrong thing in case it gets used aganist u leaving was the hard part all crying eldest says she crys every night i am close to them all however she understands whats happend other 2 are only 1/2 wheres the right to family life i know they would be very happy here and not in danger until my daughter got back on her feet properly with proper supportfrom the ss my heart gos out to u all sw cant work on the past they got to help parents reshape lifes and their future with their kids my daughter is a good mum even through her darkest days they was well looked after.
krystal says:
Hi I know how you all feel I've got two kids that are in care and one that's been. Adopted due to domestic violence I haven't seen my kids. For over two yrs now n it kills me daily. Luckily enough I managed to turn my life around and meet someone New and had another kid but he stays with me.. I just hope n pray all Ur kids r returned where they belong as I do..xx
jo says:
hi ive been reading all the stories on here and my heart goes out to you all there is certainly not enough support to parents. my own children were taken into a foster placement a year ago i was suffering deeply from depression and i was abusing alcohol to cope with sexual abuse from my own childhood. The day i handed my children over to the foster care i couldnt breath for weeks i felt empty that moment will stay with me for the rest of my life its a long hard battle i was told my children were so young they would be put up for adoption as altho i was on a waiting list to go to rehab it was out of the childrens time scales the school, in which the children attended sent in reports that now the children where in a placement they were fine and happy children this did not go with what the foster carer or child phycologist said but suprisingly even tho the school also has 6 other cases and only 150 students they had great sway but by making changes getting a very good solicitor and researching and finding the right help myself i have managed to have the children returned to my care tho still under an inter care order and with great regret to the same school who have already sent in loads of reports even tho the children have only been back a few weeks its hard for them to except i made loads of changes im nearly a yr sober and ive left my voilent partner partner but my message to everyone on this page is never stop fighting even when your told the worst talk to plp as many as you can find help out here fromm aa meetings na meetings or pattern changing groups keep logs write everything down and good luck to you all x x x
lisa garbett says:
hello my name lisa rnl loss my five children in a care order in march, l can't tell u the pain that stay with u when losing ur children l see my children every 8 weeks for 3 hours the social worker who took them away is still the worker she making my life hell she doing all the contacts not letting me know anything .my children are running off coming back to me and im the one who letting social care know they are missing my life gone ive made so many changes l cant understand why they done it yes l needed help and l needed to do things better and l was but they still took away people say that it gets better in time .but for me it just gets harder as the one thing l want the most is my children back and my life x
Bev says:
My 2 children went into foster care 5 years ago. I hold my hands up and say that I struggled a lot and things were't right. My son, now 17yrs, has never been able to stay away from home. I find it hard to deal with him. My daughter, now 13yrs, is now living with my brother under a Special Guardianship Order, which has it's own challenges for all of us. I really don't know where the support is for us as Birth Parents. Have been wondering if there are any Support Groups out there? They seem to be around for everything else but this.xx
Jemma, The Who Cares? Trust says:
Hi Bev, my name's Jemma and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). They are a charity that advises parents and other family members whose children are involved with children’s social care services. Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm
louise says:
hi there i was wondering can someone help me with some advice my sister wee girl which is my neice has been put in to short term care since february this year since baby was born in october my parants kept the baby as my sister and her husband have learning difculities and anger problems so they werent allowed to be left alone with the baby so my sister took spite on my parents as she thinks they are trying to take baby of her and her husband but she doesnt realize they where helping them but she made false allegations against my parents and now socil took baby in febraury for two weeks until all was investiagted since then we have been fighting to get baby back with us as we dont want baby in care. my sister and husband has had to do a numberous asssessments to se if they fit to be parents so the final hearing is not until september. but this is killing my parents and my younger sister we only see baby once a week on a staurday for 6 hours my sister has kicked up a fuss that she doesnt want me there to see baby so now social are giving in and they give us baby now a day during the week which me and my younger sister never see baby as she at school and im at work the social just seem to give into my sister and i feel that shouldnt be as she shouldnt have any say as she the one put baby in care we have never done anything wrong at all and the social just lies to us all the time. its now 3 weeks and we havent seen baby me are my parents and im just so scared that this is going to kill them as this ere first grandchild. i would be grateful if sombody coulf get back to me with some support r advice in what i can do as an auntie.
steven metcalf says:
i quite agree ss are a complete waste of time i have had 3 children adopted for no reason at all now 14 years on my new partner has fell pregnant now i am at a complete loss not knowing what is going to happen with this one .i want to hope i can keep it so my family will be complete but i can guess what is going to happen all i can say is ARSEHOLES.....it would be different if i was SMACKHEAD cos they have different rules for different people.
emma says:
My 3 children have been in foster care for a year and 4 months now,ive turned my life around but feel like im failing as a mother,i love my kids with all my heart as they are my life,i would do anything for them.Im fighting for them but feel like im losing to ss everytime,my 8yo son wants to come home which my solicitor is aware of and they want to put my 6yo daughter up for adoption now aswel,ive had these bad mood swings since my kids were took away from me and i dont know what to do to get them back!
Jimmy says:
This is for zoe if your 6 year old childs legal rep was introduced to you by social workers then get rid of him/her because they work hand in hand with social services and this is why he/she keeps blocking you so try and get one that is a independent body not on the social services list so to speak i'm having to do this to try and get my 2 sons back one 3 one 8 I will continue fighting until i get them back you do the same never give up
colin says:
to everyone who has had their kids put into foster care, never give up the fight, never give up on your children if you need strength to carry on just think of your children thats what i do my kids have been in foster care now for over two years, but i will never give up the fight to get them back, dont give up hope.
pat says:
my 6yr old grandson is going into long term foster care i am fighting so hard to keep him social services have said that i am a good parent so why wont they return him home with his family they tell us not to keep telling him that we love him and miss him what right have they to tell us that since going into foster care he has changed so much and they are now saying he is emotionally traumatised this is absolutely rubbish our contacts with him are lovely and he tells us he loves us and he thinks he is eventually going to come home social services have not told him what they have planned for him or that i am fighting for him i do not trust the foster carers and i believe they are filling his head with lies i will not give up my fight for him they just want us to go away and forget about him that will never happen the foser carers have never fostered before never had kids so how can they be more experienced than me a grandmother and parent of 3 adult children
colin says:
today i got court papers for my 2 year old son to be adopted no way will i let that happen i will contest it and fight it to my last breath,when my little boy was 5 mths old his foster family broke his leg,the ss would nt let me see him while he was in hospital their excuse was i might kick off yet the foster parents who broke his leg were allowed to be with him all the time and what happand to them? nothing they were not arrested and these same ss want to adopt my boy out, I DONT THINK SO.
Kirsty says:
Hi my son is in foster care. We have been in a mother and baby foster placement together from when he was 2 days old. myself and my son moved into a parent and child placement and my partner my sons father joined us after 8 months with my son social services got an ICO (interum care order) and my son went into foster care. I miss him so much my partner and i done everything for our son but it weren't good enough now we are scared we have lost him for good we go to every contact and so what we can with him in such a short period of time.
Trudie says:
Good morning all,rnrnLike many of you here I made the fatal mistake !!!! My 15 year old daughter had started to mix with some friends who were not having a positive influenece. She disappeared for a few nights at a time on a regular basis to go drinking with them and be part of the "In Crowd". She would deflect blame from herself by blaming others for her actions. Have worked with SS through this having done all that they requested. We had a period of 4 months where daughter was excellent. Than came the day that she stole from my partner. He got a call from SWorker applying alot of pressure on him to press charges against her. Needless to say she did not come home that night. On finding her SWorker decided that a short term 4 week break from the home to give her the chance to reflect on her behaviour would be positive. We agreed to this and signed a piece of paper at the Foster Carers where she would stay through tear filled eyes. That was MY BIGGEST MISTAKE. After a number of weeks and my daughters growing frustration at being so isolated as recommended by the SWorker she went on the run again for about a week. At which point they said they had arranged a panel to look at placing her in secure accommodation for a short period to get her some support. Anger management etc etc. It all happened so fast and not at any stage through all of this was I advised to seek legal help. After 5 weeks of her being locked up in a "Prison" with no work having been carried out and her now broken begging pleading and exceedingly remorseful for her actions she wants to come home. I felt that as the system had not offered any counselling services or any communication with myself I would withdraw her (My legal right to do so as I have full PR). I phoned SWorker on Thursday stating that it was my intention to remove Charlotte from the placement as legally entitled to do so. I explained my concerns and what my intentions were to secure her counselling etc and put a structured routine of activities etc in place after school so that she is not left with time to hang out on streets (as most teenagers do). On Friday early evening I attended the unit and advised I was here to collect Charlotte as I was removing her which was my legal right to do so. I was met with a very unsympathetic care manager who asked me to leave premises until he had spoken with people. waited in my car 40 mins later he returned waving a faxed copy of paper. On it was an EPO that had been obtained that day and was hand written in scrawl. At that moment I died............ Social Services had obtained the order without notice to parents. I am now left in a position where on Monday morning I have to find a solicitor who is willing to take this on and put an application in to throw this out same day. So much for this being temp until daughter faced up to her actions and apologised !!!!! My advice NEVER EVER agree to a temp placement, a respite placement, or sign anything without consulting a solicitor !!!!! My heart goes out to all you who have suffered at the hands of these people.... xxx
lisa says:
i am finding it hard have 5 children all in care 2 girls and 3 boys cut a long story short my life has been your worst night mare been abused by both parents my ex partner raped me my son beat me i then had social say put young children in care work with my two eldest by then things were out control police out all the time i lost my two boys then social services said wasnt coping myh mental health gone through the roof took overdose have self harmed just find life so hard and wanta break my contact is hell hate to leave them and when the fostter mum gives them a cuddle make me feel awful
saidinswife says:
My kids where put into foster care a week ago! the s.s said it was neglect! i don't call house work neglect! the kids schools lied about my kids saying they are dirty and smelly! i have four kids 5,10,13,15 one is special needs and needs a lot off one to one! the s.s did nothing to help me they just said it was all in my head! going to.court was a waste of time! i think it was a set up! the juge is ment to take up to 90 mins for the out come! i over herd a phone call made by the s,s worker 5 mins after the judge went in to decide saying she has the papers signed she has just got to get the kids and put them in the placement! Does anyone know how i can get my kids home????
Tina says:
To all the parents and families please get in touch with John hemming mp as he does not get on with social services. Me and my husband are going to be opening a petition on e petitions to have the family courts opened up to the public so please join the petition our 2 children are in foster care
sarah says:
Hi I'm new on here, my children were placed in temp foster care over a year ago. It was the hardest part of my life but ss did it for a reason they protect children, it wasn't that I harmed my children it was the fact that due to an argumentative relationship & eating problems this was the only solution at the time. I eventually got better and turned a corner in to my new life, I did it all for my children becus there worth every breath I take, wot kills u inside only makes u stronger! Court is a long process becus there is so many cases and not enough judges, the system is harsh but sadly that's reality. Mothers do have rights we are only human and deserve a chance to prove we can commit ourselves to our children. My children are home with me now, I never gave up u do get ur children back eventually its so draining but defo worth the fight. Never give up wots urz especially to different ppl!
Rachel says:
Hi my little baby boy was taken into foster care a week after i had given birth it breaks my heart everyday, everyday i feel like breaking down and crying, i see my baby 3 times a week and i hate being watched its all to do with my past when i was young and not wise, i miss my baby so much
anne marie says:
my 3 boys and my daughter are currentley in foster care i had an accident with my daughter who was 3 months at the time i took her to a and e for treatment and they took her off we then went to court and they took my boys away as well i am fed up of going to court i don't know what to do any more it is so hard to keep fighting and to keep strong but you have to for you'r children i don't know what to do any more i am so sad with out them i feel like my heart has been riped out i have leart how socila services have the power to do what they wan't they don't care about my children who always ask if they can come home i just don't know who to turn to my soilter thinks she can get them back home but i have lost all my confidence
hismommy says:
I have a now 5 year old son in foster care. He has been in care for about over a year and I am falling apart. It has affected my health to a horrible extent. I am so severely depressed theres days I cant physically cope. I was depressed before all this but NEVER like this. I was actually getting soo soo much better but then this happened a year ago. I am treated like the scum of the earth by Social Services and my own lawyer. I have NO support and I feel so alone, I just need someone who cares and can help me. I am so desperate for help. My baby was not taken from me due to child abuse but they claim he was traumatized and that is NOT true my son has anxiety passed down from me and I fear that this situation will cause him depression as well. The reason for him being taken from me was due to false criminal accusations put on me in another state and incarceration, for a week they held me, but after everything was dropped and that was all done, they still say my son was traumatized after its clear he has not been. I don’t know what else to do. I have done everything they ask of me and I feel like I am losing my baby. He is not the same. He is distant but you can see in his eyes he wants to come home but is scared, I feel they put fear in him. I don’t know what to do please help me! They have taken my life from me and I need someone just someone to care. I would appreciate it so much if someone knows a good lawyer who can help or anything. I am not rich, I dont have much so please consider that. Anyone that could please help me! Please my son is my life, I just want him home! They are trying to adopt him out and theres no better place then home for him, please help!
jen says:
My kids were takin off me 5 yrs ago,since then ss has done NOTHIN to give us any support or advice to try and get our kids back, they told us they would be fostered with family forever..My 5 year old is so desperate to get back home with us,our circumstances have i$proved a 100 fold since they took them so I feel we should be given a chance at least with our youngest one.If anyone could give us some advice where to start getting the ball rolling that would be fantastic, Peace jen
sharon says:
no solicitor will fight the ss the way they should,rnif we was to take a chid from anybody and say you cant have it bk because i feel i need to protect this child,the police would come, return the child to the mother, we would then be arrested and be charged with abduction,kidnapp,go to court and sentanced,rnwell thats what ss do and get away wi it!rnthere's aprox 240 calls per wk to ss {referals}.rn if you thought you was randomley chosen,rn think again you was not, they have to decide out of all the referals who would be highest risk.rn There main priority is your children welfare but first they check the mothers history, and anything that makes them justified for removing them in the eyes of the law will be used against you in a court of law,rnyour children have been hand picked ladys the same as mine have,upto 3yrs ago there was a adoption target! that every office had to meet to ensure a massive amount (huge sums)for them, since then the adoption targets have been abolished,rn they just found other ways to get our children, through the legal way with so many powerful backings, and high standard legal people, the magestrates,the police, housing departments all these in there pockets, rn we are a sure bet to loose, but im fighting my corner and talk to my solicitor everytime they are late,or the venue needs changing, im on it and letter goes to the manager, i am playing to win!! they are my children they are no good to anyone, people cant take some thing away from another without premission, That would be stealing !rn i have alot more to say ladys but will call bk rnjust keep the love for kids in your heart, to keep you strong for there return, godbless
danielle says:
i had my son on the 8th july and has been taken into foster care cos when i had my two duaghters i had really bad dresspion i havent got it that bad now but the socail services thought i wouldnt cope wiv my son i really dont know wot to do i am looking for any support
chloe says:
I had my daughter on 6th july 2011 and she has been taken away into foster care as my 2 boys got taken 3 years ago as i was suffering with severe depression after my little girl died.I felt a lot better and i wanted was a bit of support and now im a childless mother and them taking my baby girl has made me feel so low and i cant face leaving the house i dont know what to do anymore :(
danielle says:
hi i lost my son when he was 2 he is now 5years old and in a closed adoption, i have not seen him for 3 months and 3 days,i was wrongly accused of hurting my son,which i did not do, the social worker was horrid that i had and has now been sacked,but nothing can be changed about my sons situation,i think this is very wrong as my son has always come first,i dont drink or take drugs,i work full-time from home and my son has always had a good routine from birth, my house is emaculate and there was no reason for my son to be removed from my care, i fought for my son for 3 years and evenually lost,i am still deverstated but also know that in years to come he finds out the real truth about this whole situation. i will never have anymore children as i dont think this is fair and has knocked me for six, i just have to wish my son a good,happy and healthy life and hope that someday i will meet him again xrni am only 21 years old now and shouldnt have to suffer for other peoples miss judgments,they have ruined my sons life.
down trodden says:
i have read each and all of your letters, and my heart breaks for you all. my familys life has been ripped apart by ss, i was a drinker and i also believe that i was suffering a major breakdown (which is what lead to drinking like i was)it started when a family "friend" seen my daughters lower back, which has 2 strawberry marks on it, and the strawberry mark on her upper spine, this family "friend" thought they were pressure marks!!!! and called ss, this was jan 2010, ss would then turn up unannounced telling me to wake my baby if she was asleep, undress her completly naked, just so they could see these so called pressure marks, obviously everytime they seen them, they were the same shape, colour and size, like birth/strawberry marks are,after this they got more persistant, and admittedly i was having a really hard time in other aspects of my life, and i was drinking more and more. no proper help was offered at all, they knew i was on a downward spiral. i tried my best to pick myself up and i was doing ok, not great..but ok, then i had THE visit from my social worker and her manager ( it was now july 2010) to tell me they were applying to the courts to take my babies, at the time they were, 12, 5, 2 and 1. i kept it together for a while, but they had confirmed what i THOUGHT was true..that i was a crap mum, a week later my sw knocked on the door and i told her i would not let her in, she could see the children were well and clean etc as they had come to the door to say hi,and that was that. the next day she came with at least 8 officers, and 3 workers,my partner was just going up the shop to buy nappies as both had choosen that moment to mess theirs ( i only had 1 nappie left and gosh, who only has 1 nappy between 2 children?) so they grabbed my 2 babies from the house whilst an officer held me back,( almost forgot to mention they had wotsits stuck in their hair and orange cheeks, not the officers, my 2 youngest) they rampaged my house( the officers), they then went looking for my 5 yr old whom was out playing in her friends garden, took her by the hand and led her to a car, my daughter still talks about this now as i bought her up not to go with strangers but this woman made her go to the car, my little girl was so scared about what was happening, and to top that, they didnt even let her say goodbye to me,didnt give me the chance to hug her and explain that she would be ok, .they got taken on 17.8.2010, i have done nature by nurture, parenting,swads,emdr,3 alcohol and drugs tests, ( i passed them all) i have been sober for 10 mnths, but ss have said i will never get my girls home.....why???? i go to all school functions, every review and court case, i talk to all proffessionals, been to anything and everything and i get positive feedback, how can one sw with the initial vc stop a family from being together?
bev says:
my 2yr old boy was allegedly attacked when i had no choice but to leave him with my then partner whilst i had a operation for a nasty break the s s became involved and he were taken nito care even though i was not present at the time of the injuries hes been there since feb this year they did all the assessments they required and change the reasons that he had gone into care from the alleged assault to my past which came down to domestic violence alchol and previous realationships my sons father had not scene him for 18mnths who has a alcohol depnedecy and was the domestic violence perpetrator and the courts ruled he should do a 6wks rehab plan and my son goes to him the ss ruled me out from the off there is no justice my son as autsim which i had been asking for him to be assessed no one would help but as soon as they got him into care they decide to get him assessed whilst at court everything they said was negative about me my son is my son and no one elses and i will get him home no matter what i gave birth 2 him fetched him up aslo fincailly all on my home these people thee ss dont take the children that do need a loving home but the children who have already got one i believe this is because of the balls up they made with baby peter out there somewhere heres a parent smacked out of the head and theres parents like us that are suffering and hurting when all we have done is the best and most for our children no one can love there child like us parents and believe me i will fight every step to get my adorable geogous little fella back ank good luck to all u mummies and daddies
simone says:
i have to children in long term foster care age 13 and 7 and 2 adopted age 5 and 4 and after bieng assessed by cctv 24 hrs a day was allowed to bring my 3 monthold home shes now 3 and has a 16 month old sister none of these are under social services and havent been for 2 yrs they only got involved due to domestic violence yet i still cant get my oldest2 out of foster care its been a nightmare and my kids want to come home yet we feel totally powerless having justbeen to court we now have to wait another 6 months i just dont know what to do
ellie says:
Ihave 4 grandchildren who have been in care for 4 years now and have only managed to see 3 of them because the youngest is being cared for by perternal grandparents who have the full support of the ss to keep the childs own mother and ouselves away even though our daughter or our selves have never harmed or hurt any of the children, neither do we have any drink or drug issues yet no matter how we do what ever is asked of us we are not acceptable as decent human beings to the ss. even though it took me two and a half years to see the eldest three children and everthing was going fine on contact, now the ss want us to only see the children at a contact centre, the children were so happy to visit our home and be together as they are all living in different towns around the country. We only see the children once every school holiday for roughly one and a half ours, which works out to be six times per year, with no phone contact at all, why do so called educated ss think children and babies are better off by being passed around to different foster carers every 18 months or so, because even though the social workers tell us each time they are moved it is the best place for them and when they are pleased with the children it is the care system that has made good achievements but when they are unhappy with the children, it is because they have been brought up badly by their own families. I have contacted every man and his dog in the last 4 years and no one cares, we have no funds for solicitors but the governement provides an abundence of funds for social services to constantly use experts to keep the children in care. if anybody wants to talk in the essex area please pass on my details as we and our daughter need to talk and support others who know how hurtful and disstressing it is for all members of families who are kept from children they love and want so dearly grow into happy healthy children, unless you are suffering the same fate then no councelling in the world will help or understand the situation, of families who have to support children in care even though they knoe every one of the children yearn fortheir own flesh and blood. None of the so called experts care how families can be united if we rarely see or know what has happened to the children for years if they dont come back until 18, who knows if any family members will still be living. Only other mothers with the same suffering in their harts will ever understand the true feelings of emptyness we must find a way to make the goverrnment understand . social services use our children and grandchildren like Bank deposits for making money and human missery.May god give all the children a right to say what their wishes are and make the courts listen to the truth.ellie CONTACT ME IF YOU CAN
needshelp says:
i dont know what to do im a step mother and my 5 step kids were taken into care due to their mother being utterly useless and onli thinking about herself.....the court proceedings started and ss,sw telling oh thats he couldnt bring up his children because of his own childhood which i dont understand they must use every bad time of ur life against you...so oh went to his brief and got me involved in the case the judge summoned me to court sayin she wanted to see me and talk to me.. so i turnt up at court met the sw,and the childrens guardian...they seem rather threatened by me then as soon as i stepped into the court room and the case started sw, and childrens guardian made a motion to the judge to get me out of court.. so theirs me thinking im useless i couldnt help and in tears and fuming....and then the next day judge granted ss full care order of the children .. it was decided that the eldest child would go live with her maternal aunt which was great news.. but the other 4 children are in care till this day waiting to be adopted . when i appeared at court all the social workers and childrens guardian had said if their was more time they would assess me and their dad.. but refused to do it due to time scale saying it would damage the children futher... its been 6 months since that court date and the kids are still in foster care and with no hope of adoption i dont see why they couldnt of just assessed us...now we get a phone call from the ss saying that their dad needs to write his goodbye letters to the children and hes in bits and dont know what to say he feels like hes let the children down... hes knows what he wants to say but cant put it into words .. help pls
nicky says:
my 4 kids were taken into care by s.w 22nd july 14 days later my 2 eldest were returned home at a panel,during this time my 10yr old daughter had to get an emergency move from her carer as she was been abusive towards her ss said an investigation was bieng made?nothing wasdone,my other 2 wee girls are still in foster care thankfully there carers are a great support and thet are both together they are 6yrs&4yrs our little angels ,they have been away for 12weeks now its been horrible,our family has been torne apart,ss are now saying they have to be moved to another placement this will traumatise them ,we are getting unsupervised contact for 2hrs a day at home and trying to work with sw so why do they need to make it so hard,ss say we need to prove we have routine and structure at home how can we do this if our family is torne apart and then they tell u they are moving them we have a good relationship with there carer and so do our wee girls,we just want them home ,do we as parents have any rights at all,we have not commited a crime but maybe if we did we would get treated better,parents and innocent little children are suffering now for nothig ,some people need a little help or support at some point in there life ,we don;t need our kids taken away ,there must be something we can do.xxxxgodblessrn
maria says:
hi i am a mother of 6 grown up children and nan to 10 lovely grandchildren 3 of which were taken by the ss 16 months ago and we have been fighting for ever since ,my daughter after an upsetting past met a lovely man in 2008 who she was very happy with unfortunatly in may last year he died of a heart attack she placed her youngest then aged 7 months with me and her dad and her 2 girls with a family friend because she didnt want to add to their grief by letting them see her cry in the eyes of the ss that was her first mistake ,an initial child protection meeting was called just 4 weeks after the death of her partner i tried to explane that she was in no state of mind to attend any meeting because she was grieving and that all the children were safe and well cared for and happy both girls were attending school regular and were clean and well presented and the baby was in good hands with us ,but that wasnt good enough for the ss and they insisted that she attended ,during the meeting the ss had some fabricated story about her dead partner who wasnt there to defend himself my daughter got upset and knocked over the jug of water which was on the table ,my husband angry at them upsetting her in her fragile state stood up to follow her and told them that should she harm herself he would come after them ,with this they all fled into another room and locked themselves in and called the police ,during this time my husband had managed to calm our daughter and she was ready to apologise for her actions but it was to late they had ordered the police to remove the baby from me there and then and after they had reasured the family friend that the girls would not be removed they had already ordered it to be done,3 days later my daughter was falsfully tricked into signing what we now no as an agreement to an intrim care order ,we have been fighting ever since going through assesment after assesment only to be told we are not good enough to have our grand children with us ,i have been asked to choose between my daughter and grandchildren which is an impossible choice to make ,we have been treated like the scum of the earth more so my husband because he voices his feelings for the ss they say hes some sort of ogre who shouldnt be around the children ,they have lied about my daughter sent her to psychiatrists ripping her insideout bringing up all her past and made her relive things shes wanted to forget,in febuary this year she moved back home with us unable to stand living alone any longer and after a brief relationship my daughter got pregnant with her 4th child ,not the best of times for this to happen i know and she was offered the choice of abortion which she declined to have ,when i asked her the reason for this choice she said that for 40 weeks she could have one of her children with her and the ss couldnt touch it ,the pregnancy progressed and right up to the 37th week she was lead to believe that the baby would come home with her to us ,she went out and brought everything for the baby and got her room ready but then the ss decided that she should go into a mother and baby foster placement ,after the birth during which my daughter almost died the ss decided that they were going to withdraw the offer of placement and wanted to take the baby ,after we objected my daughter had to leave her hospital bed to fight her corner for 5 hours in the court room we argued that she is breast feeding as she has done with all her others,they argued that she could go to a contact centre daily to feed the baby and express the other feeds for a foster mum,the judge said that she deserved a chance so they reluctantly agreed to find a foster home for her and the baby 40 miles away but not without ordering 24 hour survalance on her and making numerous conditions which they are adding to on a daily basis trying to break her so that they can find an excuse to take her baby ,the latest is that the foster mum stand and observe her have a shower and brush her teeth ,she has explained to them that she is a 24 year old woman who doesnt need watching they are degrading her and trying to take every last ounce of dignity from her ,she is allowed no privicy what so ever and her and her baby are treated like lab rats by the ss.next week is the final hearing for her other 3 children ,she will have to travel 40 miles each way to court and back every day for 8 days without her baby because she has been told that she is not allowed to take her with her when she mentioned feeding her as she is only 2 weeks old they have said she will have to express enough for all the feeds while shes in court to me this is child cruelty they are trying to break the bond between mother and baby .somthing has to be done about these animals they are cruel and heartless and care only for the money going into their pockets they fabricate stories and exagerate the truth they make things up as they go along and can never be trusted how many more familys are they going to destroy before they get their power removed i am going to fight them to the end not only for mine but for all the familys lives they have destroyed and the ones they will rip apart in the future someone has got to stand up to them and i have every intension of doing it ,next week when im in court i am going to instruct my barrister that i wish to speak for myself because i want answers not excuses but i will carry on fighting even after our case has ended and god only knows when that will be because i want answers for all of us the ss canot be allowed to carry on the way they are
dave says:
hi im wondering if anyone can give me any advice or any form of help on what i can do with the current situation ive recently found out My neice has just been taken into foster care as i have been in and out of care myself when i was younger due to my mother beating me and assulting me so i know what its like to be taken away into care i was just wondering if i am able to have my neice stay with me and my partner if so how do i go about it as her mother has given her up my sister should not have gave her up and i am not happy with the situation at this time please please can someone offer me a light on this subject as i do not want to watch my neice grow up with the life i had to being passed from one foster home to another
Christina says:
Hi Dave, my name's Christina and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). They are a charity that advises parents and other family members whose children are involved with children’s social care services. Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm.
lisa says:
I am the aunt of 2 children taken into long term foster care , i didnt know the children had been removed from their mother my sister 6 years ago but since knowing less than 2 years ago i have spoken to their social worker who said he was going to speak to the foster parents to ask for some visitation but when i spoke to him regarding this he had no interest and ask me for my personal details again so it looks like he had never mentioned anything about us in the first place . I am happy for all the checks they need to do so the ss know its safe for the children to be in contact with me and my family , i have also pointed out to ss that other members of my family are contacting through other means and these members are not people i want my children to be around as they are criminals but the ss and foster parents seem to have turned a blind eye to this fact while im doing all i can through the proper channels and lawfully ask for some contact , i find this extremely unfair to myself and my family . i am not someone who sits back and takes what the ss say as the final say ,i will fight all the way to gain contact with my nephew and niece and believe me i have had several doors slammed in my face but i cant give up on them as im the only family member who has shown any interest in these children and wants nothing in return only to see them with a smile on their faces . if anyone knows of any other avenues i can try please please let me know i am willing to try anything and go anywhere to get this sorted and put my nephew and niece in the picture as they obviously think no one is interested in them . i love these children like they are my own . please post any ideas . thank you
joanne73 says:
i have a 4 yr old disabled son in long term foster care has been for 2 yrs he was removed frm my care through a court order due to my alcohol issues i have now been sober for 12 mnts and the social worker has noted my vast improvement yet wont consider him coming home due to his disabilities at the beginning i had supervised contact 4 times a week now i have him at home every 3 wks for 9 hours at a time i also have 2 children who live with me and social services have decided to take them off the supervision order a week ago so sw no longer involved with them so i cant be that bad so why cant my son be considered for coming home if its only shared care for now plz help xxx
kathy says:
my daugther was take into care in 2004 scine being in care she as been abuse by her cares and it was all coverd up by the ss she as no rights and the ss things she is just there for them to what thay like with, but not any more we are nolonger going to sitback and let our daugther be abuse any more. only last week our duagther phone us up crying and telling us that she was being abuse by her cares 22 yr old son,she had run away from that abuse and we meet up with her and took her home we had phone the ss and told them we had removed our child from the cares for her own safty we did not keep our daugther with us as that would have agest the law but we maed them move her to a safe carer and now we are at war with them to get our daugther home with us for good as now thay are the ones who cant be tusted to look after a child in there care as for 8 yrs thay had been covering up the abuse of our child, and now thay are refussing to let the child see her own solicitor thay rally belive thay are gods and no one can touch them well we got nothing to loss so there is nothink eles thay can do to us we will not give up on our child she is now 12 yrs old and she fights with us again them.
caroline says:
hi my four children was put into voluntary foster care last week when the ss suggests that we have negelt them. not looking after them properly with cleaniness of house and kids. we have the ss over many years. there were put on protection plan then change to child on need then again child protection and they have gone. will they go forever or not? as l am very scared l have lost them forever!!!!
Angel says:
I am a trainee Social Worker and I am looking into this for a friend who has her child in care and wants him back. Social Services are offering little or no support and it seems that once a child is in care parents are left alone. I think this is wrong! You can refer yourself to Social Services as a vulnerable adult. You can also check any written agreements drawn up between you and your social worker and if the agreement is broken you can go through the local authority complaints procedure and report social workers who misuse their powers to the GSCC (General Social Care Council). A social worker is meant to be service user led working with people to empower them for positive change while being aware of their own values. They work within the law so obviously cannot tolerate criminal behaviour. Hope that helps.
rosie says:
hei my little 3 year old girl was taken from me and put in care.because my partner was beating me in fourt of her.i flagged the garda down for help and they put me in a cell and put my little gawjus child in care.it is sick.they should of locked him up and brought me and my child to safty.i will never ask the garda for help again.they are punishing me and my child for no reason.ive gone to court a few times but no matter what i say or do is no good .i miss my little girl so much.she wants ta come home ta me so bad.she even crys for me.and they dont care.i tink they have no hearts.i wish they would just lock me up and throw away the key.but put my child in my mams care.because she is with people she doent no and hasnt got a glue why she cant be with her mammy.its not right .they punish a gawjus little child for other peoples wrongs .but im gonna keep fighting to bring my baby girl home and im not gonna stop until i do.my little girl means everything to me without her im nothing.i dont smile no more im always sad .my heart is broke .its so hard because they hink im a bad mother and any one that knows me will tell you im a great mam.the only wrong i did was spoiling my child but no one will ever stop me from doing that coz shes my child and if spoiling my little girl makes her happy ill keep doing it. i wish all you the best of luck and hope you all get your kids home safe and healthy coz no one knows the hurt until it happens to them .love ya my little girl miss ya so bad love mommy xxxxxxxxxxx
kelly says:
I am a mother of 7 children. 6 were taken from me back in 2004 as social services said i wasnt looking after them well also one of my children had some severe injuries in which ss accused me of doing which i didnt this went against me which i was sent to prison for it for something i never done. my youngest child was taken from me at 3 days old before court proceeding went against me she has already been adopted. i was very depressed all throughout and before this but NEVER recieved any help or support from ss.rnthey will now let me see my eldest 2 children who are now 18 and 17 but will not let me have any contact with the rest they stopped this around 6 months ago before that i was allowed to send gifts and letters but no more they say its in the best interest of the children that they recieve nothing from me.(why stop this after so long)rnI LOVE MY CHILDREN very much but now affraid ive lost them forever can anyone give me some advice on what i can do please.
Kim says:
my 3 children were put into foster care a year ago and the judge put them into permit care and custody. They are up for adoption but can they do that when they are 11, 10 & 7. I don't understand the system to much. A year ago I asked for help for my 2 boys and the help that I got was all 3 taken. They did a parental assesmennt on me and it says that I wasn't capable of looking after them but I did a lot of changes to improve my situation. I am going back to school and doing whatever they want me to do. My visits went from once a week to once a month for an hour. Please help me and give me some advise on what else I can do to get my children home.
Christina says:
Hi Kim, my name's Christina and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). They are a charity that advises parents and other family members whose children are involved with children’s social care services. Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm.
paul says:
my daughters been taken in to care with the social services along with her half brother who is not mine they tell me that the 2 children can not be slit up they come has a package no matter what there expect me 2 put my self forward as carer
ann says:
my 4 children were taken into care i am fighting to get them back i am getting no information about my children and basically being lied about by the socialworker and proffessionals one of my children who is six years old been in care over a year now is isolating himself and making himself ill someone needs to do something about abuse of power by social services enough is enough why can't they pick on the people who beat their children and cause so much damage to them instead of loving families trying to do their best my children are my life i always put them first now all my children are seperated please do not tell me to go to calf because i phoned them they will not get involved for the love of humanity help me someone please
anna says:
my 3 kids were taking away from me in sep 21 2010 for medical neglect and domestic vilence not on my part but on the dads part my point is ive done every thing ask of me from day 1 i have certifacate og all programs competion of parenting classes domestic certifacate and mentel health evaluwation 1x weekly therapy they have bean in long turm care over a year and 4 months i was promiced them back if i did everything and i have i got rid of my problem as soon as ss told me to i throu my x in the street for my kids my kids hate there father for what he put us throu i finaly have an unsupervised visits with all my 3 children i pray each and every day for the return of my precious cubs and i will pray for the mothers out there that r in the same boat as me good luck to all of u stat strong and never give up i no i will never give up till they come back to me for good i have a nother shot at getting my children back
Christina says:
Hi Ann, my name's Christina and I work at The Who Cares? Trust. I would suggest that you contact the Family Rights Group for advice (www.frg.org.uk). They are a charity that advises parents and other family members whose children are involved with children’s social care services. Their freephone number is 0808 801 0366, and the line is open Monday to Friday 10am-3:30pm.
Jessica says:
hi my name is jessica, my son was taken away from me in november 2010 due to domestic violence, and since then i have been assessed and been to court and drug tested as well as alcohol tested and the judge was very happy with my confidence boost i had from when she first saw me but now the social worker has said my son is going for adoption and they wont give me a reason why!! i did everything i was told and more but she says im not stable enough and that the violence is still a threat to me even though ive moved over 60 miles away! if they havent enough evidence to prove this, can they go through with it
God be with you says:
My prayers go out to all of you who are facing this trial. I have gone through a similar situation, but by the grace of God, I was able to fight for my son and after six months I was blessed to get him back. My heart still hurts, three years later and he still brings it up now that he's going on 11. Always, seek the Lord. Be patient, keep in contact and on good terms with the social worker. Do not come across them with "attitude". As for you who may be possibly forever losing your child, get a lawyer or advice from a lawyer to get another chance. I don't know how the state you are in works but I do believe they have to assest you and take it before the judge. Yes DCS lawyer will procrastinate and prolong your pain. Trust me, I sat in a woman's jail for a month and fought for my son for six months. God answered my prayers and today I still give him all the glory. I pray the best for all of you. God Bless.

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