Always arguing

Dear Suzie, 

Recently I have had a really bad problem and because of it my foster placement has become a nightmare. We are always having an arguement over silly things, even though they are not to do with it. I'v tried everything to make it work, but I never managed it. I need your help urgently. I need to make it work or else it will become a bigger nighmare.

Charlotte

Suzie's answer

You’ve not given me much to go on! What problem? What arguments? What have you tried? The big problem with constant argument is that often you can’t find a resolution to them because what you’re arguing about isn't really what’s bothering you. You argue about what time you go to bed, whether you’ve done homework, who your friends are. And really the real problem is “I miss my family and I think it’s all my fault.” I don’t know whether the big problem is sex or drugs or rock and roll, or being bullied or bullying, or what. And I don’t know what you’ve tried.

I wish I could sweep in with a magic wand and make it right. I can’t, I’m sad to say. What I can do is ay that it sounds to me as if the one thing that hasn’t been tried here is for you and your foster carers to sit down with a caring and experienced mediator to find out what’s bothering you, what you want and need and what your carers could do once they know what is the problem.

Do you have a key worker? If you do and trust them, ask them to arrange this. If not, do you have a teacher or youth worker you can trust to ask them to arrange a meeting with counsellor or mediator? If you can’t think of anyone you know who could help, call the National Youth Advocacy Service on freephone 0800 61 61 01 and they will find you someone. Good luck!