Name?

I was christened Mark Bailey, but when I was 10 my geography teacher – Mr Buckley – started to call me Bill; no one knew why. Then he started singing this song, Won’t You Come Home Bill Bailey? It just stuck.From that point everyone knew me as Bill. I went to senior school and everyone called me Bill. Apart from my parents. My mum refused to call me Bill because she didn’t like it. So for her, I’m Mark.I quite like it. It stuck so much so that people just assume that’s my name.

I once did a gig in Bristol. I came on stage and said 'Good evening, my name’s Bill Bailey'. Someone I went to school with was in the audience and shouted out 'No, it’s not!' So I had to explain to everyone what was going on. I went into this big long rambling explanation about the fact that my name isn’t actually Bill. It got quite embarrassing, to the point where I had to go off stage and then come back on again and say 'Good evening, my name’s Mark Bailey…'

Date of birth?

13 January, 1965.

What are you most famous for?

The comedy. Although, in terms of sheer numbers of people, it would be Never Mind The Buzzcocks.

Does it feel strange that your work as a TV personality is more widely known than your stand up comedy?

I did Buzzcocks for about six years and it’s worked quite well. I have been doing comedy for about 20 years, and had my own TV show about ten years ago. So I had quite a cult following for the comedy. What Buzzcocks did was mean that more and more people saw me and became aware of me and then came to check out my comedy. The numbers of people who came to my shows gradually went up.Where that kind of thing doesn’t work is if you’re known for something that’s totally different to what you’ve been doing before. With Buzzcocks, I was doing comedy about music and so forth, so it fitted very neatly.

This has been the case with whatever I’ve done that has had a bit of profile, whether that’s shows like Spaced or Black Books. The humour in those shows was similar to the humour you’d find in my stand up. The audience for both are pretty similar.The thing I’ve noticed about my live shows over the past few years is that people seem to increasingly enjoy going to live comedy – there’s a communal feeling, something you can’t get from TV or anything else. You’re going in a big gang, or you’re watching it with several hundred or thousand people.

What would you like to be most famous for?

Curing the common cold. But, in the meantime, I’ll settle for making a few people laugh.

What’s your guilty pleasure?

Hoarding Maltesers and not telling anybody where there are.

What’s your most embarrassing moment?

There was a time when I would appear on anything in order to raise my profile. One show was called That’s Showbiz, or something. I saw a clip of it and remember looking slightly queasy and baffled, wondering why I was doing it.It was ages ago when I would take any old thing in order to try and get a bit more of a profile. It was hosted by Mike Smith, the Radio 1 DJ from the 1980s. I must have blotted out the details from my memory.Some people love doing things like that, they love being celebrities. I think they’re mad. For me, comedy is something that I’ve worked at for 20 years and these shows are just something of a by-product. I don’t understand the people who just love being famous for the sake of it.

Have you been flattered by the reaction to your decision to leave Never Mind The Buzzcocks?

I was quite touched. People came up to me in the street ordering me to go back! 'You MUST do the next series! I command you!' But I’m under no illusion; you’re easily replaced. There are loads of people queuing up to do these shows. It wasn’t like I was reading the news; it was just some daft pop quiz.

There was an online petition for you to become the next Doctor Who… are you gutted you were overlooked?

Yeah, I know… that’s a bit embarrassing isn’t it!? It also happened for The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings and Eurovision. It makes me a little nervous… there must be all these producers getting these strange petitions to include me in whatever it is they’re working on. I imagine Hollywood producers being sick of hearing about the petition guy. 'Is this the petition guy? Get him off my desk. I don’t want to hear from the petition guy.' Most people audition for roles; not me! I just get loads of people to sign their name.Dr Who is very flash. It’s shiny and impressive. I can’t see myself working in that… maybe as a Cyberman’s daft uncle. Or a dopey Cyberman. At the back. The one who gets his head stuck in a light fitting.

Simon Pegg wasn’t able to put in a good word and get you a part in the Star Trek film?

I do get the odd film script sent to me although they do tend to follow the same path. About halfway though it will say, 'and a slightly baffled man appears. He has the strange look of a slightly confused spaniel…' oh here we go. That will be me then. If you type 'baffled' into a search engine a picture of me will appear.

Do you know anything about children in care?

Not really. Certainly not first hand experience.

What’s next for Bill Bailey?

A cup of tea and a long lie down.

What’s your favourite:

Film

Bad Boy Bubby. It’s a cult film, it’s extraordinary – funny, dark, unique.

TV Programme

Larry Sanders or 30 Rock.

Band

Talking Heads. It’s the band I always wanted to be in when I was at school. I wanted to be the keyboard player.

Tell us one thing that you’ve never revealed in an interview before…

I’m actually a woman. Quite convincing isn’t it? The beard and everything.