Coming out

Dear Suzie,

My name is Daniel. I'm 17 years old and I'm gay.

I'm writing to see if you can help. I hope you can. I am a gay boy and I need help in telling my mum and dad. But - and it's a big but - my family are all gypsies and they do not like gay people because they want to have big families and I would be nothing to them.

At the moment I am in care and I need my family. I need to know that they are still there for me and they make me happy.

If I tell them they won't want anything to do with me anymore. Please help. I do not know what to do.

P.S. Sorry if I have wasted your time, I seem to waste everyone else's.

Daniel, 17

Suzie's answer

Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. In my experience of talking to gay people, I've heard the same thing again and again; however hard coming out was and whatever the outcome, it feels better to be honest about yourself.

If you stay in the closet, you have to live a lie. Keeping it secret makes you feel you have something about yourself you need to hide, when really you should be proud of who you are.

And by keeping it secret, you stop you parents having the chance to know the real you. This is a part of you. Not the only thing about you or even the most important thing about you - but it is part of you that you shouldn't need to be ashamed about.

My advice would be to get in touch with the Gay and Lesbian switchboard 020 7837 7324 or visit their website.

Ask them for support and help in coming out. That's what they're there for and that's what they're good at. They'll be only too glad to help and will know, from many years of experience, how you might go about it. They can also tell you about support groups for parents who can be there for your parents when you tell them.