I'm horrid to my carers

Dear Suzie,

When I have contact with my family I get really horrible towards my carers. They try and help me to deal with not seeing them but nothing works. I just throw it back in their faces. I don't mean to do it but sometimes I can't help it. My problem is that i dnt know weather to keep in contact or not. I want to because I feel alone but I don't because it effects me. Help!

Charlotte

Suzie's answer:

You get horrible towards your carers for two very good reasons. One is that seeing your family makes you feel upset. Of course it does - you’re angry and confused and simply wishing those feelings away won’t make them vanish. You say nothing works – but what would work is recognising that you have every right to these emotions and that it takes time to deal with such powerful feelings.

The second reason you throw everything back in your carers faces is because….you trust them. Sounds odd? All of us do the same thing, Charlotte; we kick out at the people who love us and we can trust to forgive us. You don’t feel safe in shouting at your family because your link with them is risky. So you shout at the people you think will forgive you.

My advice would be to get some help, for you and your carers, in dealing with your anger. You need to work out what triggers it and when and how, and then work out bit by bit what you can do to make it more manageable. Your social worker or someone at your school may be able to suggest someone to talk to. And when you feel you can manage the emotions flying around when you see them, then you can decide whether to keep in touch with your family or not.