Kevani's internship diary

A New Beginning

Wow I see these people in the office every week when I used to come in as a volunteer the most I ever said was ‘Hi’ with a great big smile. Now today my first day in the office as an intern am still smiling but yet so nerves. I am really trying to keep my cool, but some how feel like am going to jump out my skin.

Today was based more on induction where I had one to one inductions in order to get to know a little more on each team mate and what their job role is. I have to say during the one to one induction once it started I began to feel a lot more cooler and just a tiny less nervous. For one person they all seem to do so much within their job role. One thing I liked is how during my induction each person explained how their work or job role inter-linked with another team member. This really helped me for the first time in my life to get a better picture first hand what working part of a team is like.

I guess am very nervous because it’s my first time working in an office environment, and I am so scared to get anything wrong which is dumb of me because the only way you can learn is through making mistakes and reflecting on how next time to improve.

Today I Learned…

Today I was reminded how it feels to be outside your comfort zone (office environment). Most importantly I learned that it is okay and normal to be scared or nervous as it means your 100% human (LOL). While learning this I also learned an important lesson which is don’t rely on computers because they will always find a way to let you down.

When two worlds meet

Its amazing how when your in a new place you can so easily forget about other things in your life that affect you on a day to day basis. Well lets just say last week I was given a day off from the real world. From a smooth week last week when all I had to think about was when the computer was next going to crash to this week changing work timetable in order to sort out my kid’s school time table and University health clearance (OMG!). I have to admit it’s not easy been a mum, employee and let’s not forget full time student.

It's amazing how no matter how much effort you put into planning ahead it never necessarily always go according to plan. Already after my first week starting I had no choice but to call my manager and explain how my personal life of been a mum is going to affect my employee role as I have to do school settling in. It’s so never racking because you’re like the new girl in school who after one day has to already take time off aaawww. However he was quite cool about it.

Today I learned…

Never try to pretend that your personal life will never overlap with your professional life. Instead from the start except that it is inevitable that one day one may compromise the other so always have a plan of balance.

Challenge of a lifetime

I am beginning to think I’ve put myself up for the challenge of a lifetime. Last week after only two weeks into my job I was already asking for time table change. Well this week it doesn’t get any better. After expecting to have a day off every week from uni they decided to give me half day on Wednesday which is the day I work. After feeling so nervous to tell my manger if I could swap shift last week then just imagine how am feeling this week when I have to tell him I cant work a full day otherwise I miss out on lectures. Once again his proven to be a great manager by catering to my needs yeah!

Now let’s talk University (OMG) I felt like a little girl who was starting secondary school for the first time again (lol). Seriously everything made me nervous from the size of the campus to the size of the lecture rooms. When I looked around me all I could see was older people, like seriously older lol not that I have anything against older students. It’s just that they don’t look like the type I could have some jokes with. But hey I might be surprised once I get to know them more you know what they say “don’t judge a book by its cover...” Its amazing how when you’re applying to college, university or even a new job and once your excepted the excitement changes to nerves and fear and you as a person change as you try to fit in with new people around.

Today I learned…

Sometime in life we think we’ve taken on too much but how can you know your full potential until you have challenged yourself. At one point I felt I had taken on too much as am only 22 with two kids, at university full time and working part time. However through me allowing myself to be challenged I now know there’s nothing I can not achieve just because I am a mother or student.

Meeting the top bosses

Most people get nervous when either working around their manager or having to go into a meeting with them, however nothing beats having to have an all day meeting with the top bosses (lol). This week we had to have an all day meeting with the charities trustees and oh boy! Firstly let’s start from the beginning. As this was an all day meeting it was not based in our normal office instead it was based in Kings Cross. The easy part was the roads were clear; however I could not drive to kings cross so I parked up back at home, jumped on the bus to seven sisters station and took the train to kings cross (this was all done very calmly). Once I got out of kings cross station I began modelling my little legs assuming I had plenty of time until I saw the big clock that showed I only had 10mins to get to the meeting, and that’s when it all went down the stressful running route (heart beating, hands sweating).

One thing you need to know about me is I am very lazy when it comes to walking and running, but all that went out the window when I imagined the look on my manager’s face if I walked in late. This is the 21st century were in my day an age no one or should I say most of us young people don’t read maps as we depend highly on sat-naves, smart phones etc. so then were did I get the idea that I can read a map from; only God knows. I didn’t even know which way to hold the map lol. After running like a lost dog I finally found the building BUT, I walked in their sweating so much I wish there was a drain piper near me to carry away all my sweat lol.

During the first 45 minutes you wouldn’t even notice that I was in the room. I had nothing to say because I didn’t really understand what they were talking about as when most plans took place it was not on my working day so I missed out. When I sat for 45minutes saying nothing I began feeling really out of place because I didn’t understand anything, however things changed when I slowly started catching up with what was been said. Overall it was a great experience for me as I felt honoured to be able to represent young people’s views and of course me and my big mouth once we hit the stage aren’t no stopping us lol.

Today I learned…

In life we all go through a point in our life where we feel out of place. I learned that in order not to feel out of place you have to give your self time to settle in. I guess it’s like moving into a new house it doesn’t feel like home straight away until you make it home. Well I made that meeting like home.

Being Famous

What can I say, as the weeks go on this job gets more and more interesting. This week me and all the other colleagues got to go out to a Thai restaurant to celebrate two of our colleagues birthdays (any excuse not to work). It was great because I had a real full course meal, not only this but it gave me a great chance to get to know what my colleagues get up to in their spare time! I really wish I could share it but you know what they say …”what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” lol. It has also been a very exciting and busy week with all the preparations for the next All Party Parliamentary (APPG) for care leaver’s week. Apart from a lot of work it has been fun with me viewing myself on the internet, magazine and now I have been asked to take part in an interview with the BBC radio four aaawww I feel famous lol, well just a little famous.

Today I learned…

I learned not to get too famous lol am just playing but seriously I learned that the harder you work or fight for what you think is right the more it pays of when people start recognising your work.

Hollywood Treatment

Am sure by now you guys know I'm like the radio that never stops talking even when you pull out the batteries lol. I’ve done many things in my life but been interviewed on radio was not one of them. Today I woke up feeling like a star in the making. I know this might sound silly but just having the BBC send a car up to pick me up from home to the radio station felt really specially, or maybe am just easy to please. I guess am the type of person that it’s the small things that matter rather then the big things.

OMG I never thought the radio station would be so huge. When I thought of radio stations I thought of a small box room with a microphone lol. I don’t know when I was walking through to the studio I thought I might meet some Eastenders cast, not that am there number one fan (ok I am) but hey I met an excellent journalist.

Once I sat down and the questions started I felt so nervous because I really wanted to represent care leavers in a positive way. By the 2nd question off I went and there was no stopping me. I must say the interview really helped me reflect in areas of my life which I have kept locked away for years. It made me take a good look at myself and say “well done”. The reason being is that some times I am too hard on myself and I never take the time out to recognise the hard works I have done over the years to over come any traumas, barriers, hate, pain, self worth or even achievements.

I really hope that for anyone who listened to my interview went away feeling not only inspired but also looked at the different ways that they have positively changed their lives and gave themselves a big pat on the back.

Today I learned…

Many of us work hard each day in different ways, just like many young people in care change their lives for the better each day. But one thing we all don’t do often is tell our self “well done”. We are quick to criticize our self but not quick enough to reward our self. We are quick to praise others for there work but not quick enough to appreciate our own work. Don’t ever wait for praise from someone else but instead be prepared to self reward and criticize.

Back to reality

This week has been a real long week especially after all the excitements from previous weeks. In other words am back to reality no more cars been sent to pick me up for interviews just me and my big red bus lol.

What I really need right now is a holiday away, but no am still here working hard or looking like I am lol. This week like many has been very interesting because my role is slowing taking shape. Before when I came into work I was like a confused headless chicken waiting for directions, however since the development of my role I am able to just come in look on the confusing timetable designed by my manager try to make sense of it and get some real work done. I think the next few weeks will really help discipline me in meeting deadlines.

It can be very tiring but on the bright side, every 20 – 30 minutes someone offers to make the rounds of coffee or tea which always help keep me awake. As I spend more time in my role at work I have also seen a change in me. For example I finish work 5 but when its 4.58 I’ve already logged off the computer, coat on and am out of the door by 5 on the dot lol. However recently I have been very dedicated to my job. This week I stayed in the officer over an hour from my finishing time because I actually really wanted to finish what I was doing, but in saying that my son felt the same about his home work so I had no choice but to do the home work as well. The home work was fun; he was learning how to write using flour to help with his handwriting. But it was too MESSY! Omg seriously I need to be rich to pay someone else to clean up after them because am really lazy.

Today I learned...

Just because you give an extra hour to work does not mean you will get an hour off from your kid’s or tidying up lol.

Judgement

Today I sat on the bus thinking to myself why is it we all just can’t get on? Why do we have to be strangers to one another? I looked at the person sitting next to me and thought to myself if he knew me and how I could be such a nice person he would really like me. I guess that’s the problem with us we judge people who we don’t know. This week has been a very difficult week for me because the relationship with my lecture has been far from good. We have both judged each other without actually getting to know one another. This in other words can be a challenge for some people which I agree because this to me it is an obstacle that can affect me emotional, psychically, psychologically. However am grateful for having the support of my colleagues who offered a shoulder to cry on and made me see sense very quickly.

The week has also been hard because a very special person who always reminds of what am worth is moving away, and I guess am learning that people can’t stay around forever (although I really wish they could) but I hope she has a road fully of success and continues to up lift others like myself who cross her path. Ruth you really are an inspiration.

Today I Learned…

Life does not warn you before it throw’s challenges at you, but those challenges however are put in place to help make you a better and stronger person. What ever you do in your life don’t ever let anyone make you feel worthless but instead revenge them with your success in life.

People will come and go in your life but when they leave don’t let everything about them go, but instead think about what you’ve learned in that relation and use it as a positive tool for the future. I learned that in my professional relationship with a particular colleague was never that important because I assumed they would always be there, however she made me learn that in future I should get to know people quicker and appreciate them.

“You don’t know what you’ve got until its gone.”

Emotional Rollercoaster

Its amazing how as human beings we can hold so much emotion without breaking down every second. Today I realised that I still have many emotions which I have no control over, but hey this shows am only human. I guess this week I have been really emotional due to that time of year were families get together and reality sinks in that my own biological ones are no where in sight. Just like many young people in care Christmas can be a very hard time especially if you’re spending it alone.  

This week we also had another All Party Parliamentary Group in which the topic was about the family Justice system. I never knew how much this topic was going to bring back so many memories of my own experience when I attended court. As usual many of the young people in the room had similar experiences; of feeling that know one cared what they felt during or after the process or what their fears were.   

I must say the meeting brought out emotions I have been hiding away for a long time. As I stood to explain my experience I felt flood of tears roll down my eyes, but inside I felt a sense of relief.

Today I learned…

Emotions mean your human and it also helps you slowly start letting go. I also learned that bottling up such feelings can lead to you becoming emotionless and forever feeling like you have the weight f the world on your shoulders. As I am writing this I feel a slight of excitement towards the day I disliked so much. Christmas will be amazing because I will make it amazing regardless of who’s not there. This day I promise to make it the best day EVER! Every year for the sake of my kids, and slowly I will learn to also appreciate it.

Merry Christmas!

Another cosy lunch with the team

This week at work we went to have an excellent Christmas dinner (Please don’t assume we're rich as we're always going out to dinner lol). Dinner was great but also made me realise that I will NEVER, EVER! be a drinker. When I got there my colleagues had ordered me mulled wine. I don’t usually drink wine unless I mix red wine with coke (I know what your thinking err, but it’s a Spanish drink). I had half a glass of mulled wine which I drank only about 8 sips when I started feeling like the table was spinning around lol. What can I say some of us just weren’t made for alcohol. I felt like such a bum looking around at everyone on the table drinking wine and beer. I actually had to speak to myself and say “…there way out your league just sip on water.” Which I did for the rest of dinner.

Apart from dinner this week has also been busy as we have had to recruit for a young person’s writer. I have to say I always felt sorry for candidates with all the 21 questions you’re asked in interviews and the pressure that it has on individuals. For the first time I have to say sitting on the other side it was just as difficult. I know people probably think it’s easy but it really is not, especially when each candidate has one thing you want and the other candidate has another thing you want. I do think I felt the pressure of my manager having to interview each person and make sure their right for the job and a team player is not easy.

Today I learned…

You don’t have to join in on what everyone else is doing to feel part of a group (drinking); I guess this is what makes us all individuals.

Christmas here I come

Just like everyone everywhere I cannot wait to put my feet up and just relax, well half relax because when you’re a mum there is no such thing as time off. Even if you don’t have the kids your mind starts doing overtime thinking about them and what you have to do for them when you get home etc. I have to say this year I am so impressed with myself that I managed to get into the Christmas spirit very early on for the sake of my kids. I always said I wanted to give them the kind of Christmas I never had, which is what I intend to do this year and the many more years to come.

Since Christmas shopping I feel like a child full of so much excitement. My excitement is the priceless expressions on my kid’s faces when they see what Santa bought them. Just as exciting it is for me and the kids I still have a little sadness in me because deep down I know Christmas is about spending time with family such as mum, dad, aunties, uncles and more. As much as it can get lonely during Christmas I am beginning to except that my family is me and my kids.

Today I learned…

Family is not what you see portrayed on TV or what society thinks a family consists of, but instead family is what you make as family, whether it be just friends or neighbours.

Preparation

I am learning that not only in your personal life will things not always go as planned but also in your work life. The next coming week we have a big interview with a potential company that may help us expand in helping more young people thrive. This is an excellent opportunity for young people such as myself and the charity. However the preparation process is very long and scary. My CEO made me laugh when she explained its like been on “the apprentice”. As soon as she said that all I saw was the face of Sir Alan Sugar, which meant I reallllllllllllllllllllllly have to prepare (lol).

Its funny because the more things am asked to do in my job is the more am learning about myself. For example today when we had our meeting we did some role plays on the questions that may come up. Everyone thought I did well, but to me it was simply just ok. I guess I have learned that I speak better with passion when I am in the pressured moment but it doesn’t hurt to think about topics you would want to add on to your speech.

Today I learned…

No matter how good you think you are or how confident you are preparation is the key to a successful outcome.

The Big Event

Butterflies I never knew much about stomach butterflies until today. Well today was the big event were me and two colleagues went out to a meeting which could really help us get support in expanding the work we do with young people. All I had to say basically was how the work done by The Who Cares Trust has really helped me (which it has) but I was so nervous my hands became sweaty (eerrr) I was praying that no one would put their hand out for hands shake (lol). I thought I would be great under pressure but nope all I wanted to do was run out that waiting room and not look back. It’s also amazing that when you’re nervous your imagination starts working overtime (all I started thinking about was all the things that could go wrong). I guess in situations like this it is normal to fill nervous, but when you have passion in what you do I believe it takes over the fear.

Also this week we have been working with my bank that helps in advising young people in money problems. It was so funny to find out how many of us have so much in common when it came to debt. We were talking about how to deal with debt when we all jumped in and said “we don’t even open letters anymore.” That was funny because I thought I was the only person in the world who gave up on opening letters.

Today I learned…

Open letters first as this is the only way you can start of by dealing with the debt itself. 

Hands full

Just like the past few weeks work is get more and more hectic. I guess when you first start working in an office they take it quite easy on you for the first few weeks after that you don’t even realise that slowly you responsibilities start increasing and you’re work load slowly starts mounting up. Well I guess it’s a good thing because I am someone who likes a challenge any day of the week apart from weekends. This week has been a very busy one. Not only are we having to prepare for two APPG meetings but also am learning how to handle office life with my social work placement (Scary).

One thing I have to say is working in the office is helping me with my writing skills which will really help when I have to write up essays and reports for university.

I always thought writing up a couple letter and answering phone calls would be so easy I could do it with my eyes closed lol. Well I was TOTALLY wrong I actually take my hat off to all those who work in similar sector. I have come to realise that I find it so much easier to verbally say want I want to say, rather than write it in a formal letter. Well for someone who wants to become a social worker paper work is not by choice.

Today I learned…

To achieve something great you must be very committed, and I am proud to say I have been.

It’s the hard work that counts.

The past few weeks have not been easy at all as I have been trying to balance out work life in the office and my university placement working as a social worker. Hey who ever said it was going to be easy (certainly not me). What is bothering me is that we have a meeting coming up soon which some of you may know it as the APPG. I guess for me, this meeting is very important as I believe it is a stepping stone in the right direction for young people to have their voices herd by those in power making decisions that affect their every day life. I really want this meeting to be perfect which sounds like am asking for a little too much. I am learning that at work sometimes you can put 100% in planning and trying to make something work, however things don’t always go according to plan. Well the only thing I can do really is try my best.

With worries always or sometimes should I say comes good news. I have finally seen the booklet that was made for education which I am proud to say I was involved in developing.

Today I learned…

It's my hard work that counts always.

Opportunities, Opportunities, Opportunities

I think it’s amazing when you work in an organisation that gives you so many opportunities to expand your learning and further your skills in a various areas. This week the Government have been debating on interracial adoption. The Who Cares? Trust was asked by BBC News if they knew anyone who had experience with the care system that they could interview. I was lucky to be given the opportunity to be interviewed by the BBC which has led to more opportunities in different areas.

Today I learned…

Some opportunities with big media companies seem so huge you don’t want to refuse, however I learned that whatever you do, always make sure that you know what is expected of you, what your rights are, and most importantly how much of you that you want to share.

Visual, Visual, Visual 

This week I have been focusing on our Who Cares? Town Website so it’s all about the visual picture. It sounded so easy when I was told to review our website and see if any changes needed to be made or developed. As usual I was wrong and instead I spent nearly half the day scratching my head on how to make a website appealing to a wide age range. It is hard because sometimes you have a vision or idea about what you want something to look like but you don’t know how to bring it to life.

Today I learned…

I learned that at times we want to make so many changes; however, the best changes take place when we take our time to make one change at a time.