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Dear Suzie, I have a problem. I have a friend who I cannot name who has been friends with me since I joined my secondary school. We get on really well. But these past few months he has changed. He is very rude sometimes and offensive. But most of the time he is OK. I am worried he is using me. Tomorrow I am going to go out and buy him a present. I fear he will just take the present and leave me. I have been the victim of bullying at my school and my friend has stuck by me. But I am scared I will lose him and I will become a victim. What do I do? Also, it looks like I have to move placement and might have to move schools and maybe won’t see him again. Can you help? Adam, 14, |
Suzie's answer:Sounds to me as if you’re really feeling unhappy and on edge, and that’s natural if you think you’re about to be moved and lose a good friend. It might be useful to work out what exactly is going on here. Is your friend pulling away from you, or you from him? You say he’s sometimes rude and offensive and you’re worried he may be using you. But you then say he’s stuck by you through bullying and is usually OK. All of us have times we’re feeling ‘off’ and can lash out, and we often take it out on our friends, knowing they’ll trust us not to mean it. Your friend may have problems of his own, at home or in school, and that may be why he’s been touchy lately. Maybe he doesn't feel able to tell you what’s going on, but he does feel able to take it out on you. My advice would be to ask him if he’s OK and tell him you’re feeling stressed because you may be moving. Sometimes it needs one of you to start talking about the feelings driving your behaviour. It just might allow the other to speak honestly too. If the present is for a birthday, then that’s fine but don’t feel you have to buy his loyalty; I think you have it already. |
