I'm not a child!

Dear Suzie,

Hi, I'm 17 and have been in my foster placement for around 2 years now. I don't know if anyone else in care feels the same way as I do, but I feel that one minute I'm treated like an adult and the next I'm treated like a child.

For example, I'm told that next year I have to start paying rent and expenses for food and electricity etc when I get income support when I turn 18 which is obviously expecting me to behave like an adult.

However, I'm told that I can't stay at my mum's house if I feel it is safe enough to do so even when I'm 18 which is legally classing me as an adult, even though I'm only in voluntary care. Is there anything I can do about this situation to enable me to stay at my mum's place when I turn 18?

Thankyou :) x

Chrissie

Suzie's answer:

Teenagers are apprentice adults. The truth is that most teens demand one moment to be treated like adults and the next act like kids. While the care system has a bad record at throwing kids out into the big wide world and expecting them to fend for themselves like grownups as soon as they hit 18, things have changed I’m glad to say. Yes, in some ways you’ll be expected to act like an adult – as any 18 year old should try to do. But equally, there is still a safety net in place to extend some care to you, because you’re not yet a full adult.

Now, while your local authority has some responsibilities towards you after your care order finishes when you are 18, that doesn't extend to being able to prevent you deciding whether to stay at your mum’s or not. Of course, I don’t know the circumstances and they may have some concerns about your well being – but that should be something they discuss with you, not order you around about.

Whatever your reasons for being in care, and whatever type of care you are in, a process of preparation for leaving should have begun when you were 16. You should have been given a Personal Advisor, whose job it is to help you gradually get ready to manage. He or she should have carried out a ‘needs assessment’ – that means, worked out what you need to know or have organized. You should have a ‘Pathway Plan’ and this should be regularly reviewed. Your Pathway Plan looks at things like where you are going to live, how you’re going to pay for it, what sort of training or work you’re going to do. Your Personal Advisor should be helping you to think about and find a place to stay – and you’d talk over with them whether this might be with your family.

Since your local authority does take some responsibility for you until you are 21, why don’t you use this to get them to support you through training and further education to help you get a good job later. Good luck!